Pirate Drabbles
by Kirite Ryujin
Summary: Just a bunch of random, stupid stuff I just think about for fun. There can be different devil fruit's, scenarios, maybe an AU or two?
1. Chapter 1 - Gochi

**Randomness. Utter randomness. Slightly different devil fruit Luffy.**

* * *

 **1\. Shanks**

* * *

Shanks cursed himself, as he rubbed his ears. Luffy... well... Luffy was a loud mouth, but did he have to squack right in his ear, rendering him half deaf?

Then again, it was no surprise that the smaller boy had such an aggressive reaction to it. No being able to swim?! That was huge.

But still, Luffy didn't have the right to leave him deaf.

Shanks froze. That wasn't the Gomu Gomu no Mi like he had originally thought, right?! Though in his defence.. both fruits were similary coloured and shaped.

* * *

 **2\. Cobra**

* * *

Crocodile was a cool and calm person. No one could deny that. For the boy to so easily get under the nerves of that tyrant, Cobra was impressed.

Cobra was even more impressed when Luffy had sent Crocodile flying into the sky from inside the tomb, even though the boy had seemed half dead, bleeding out from the wounds on his stomach, and poison in his blood. The teen's voice alone had disorientated the tyrant, leaving him open to Luffy's finishing blow.

Amazed, Cobra had asked, in the prescnce of Robin, "What are you?"

The teen just grabbed him in one arm and the former Miss All Sunday in the other, and garbled, "I'mma... rubber... chicken... hungry..."

Maybe the boy was derilous? Or maybe he was hungry, like he said?

* * *

 **3\. Enel**

* * *

Enel didn't know what to make of the rubber human. Being immune to his electric attacks was one thing.

But being so loud that it was so damned annoying and making it so hard to think...

Enel grabbes his ears in agony as the rubber boy squacked again, his mantra being stunned for that one second, enough for Luffy to deliver the final blow.

He hated rubber, Enel decided.

* * *

 **4\. Lucci**

* * *

Lucci, for one, was frustrated. His leopard ears were sensitive, dammit. He could hear things that humans couldn't.

He did not need random chew toy sounds in his ear.

Luffy was being so noisy, yelling as he bounced around, and being in an enclosed area was not helping, with ll the echoing.

Lucci knew haki. A bit of it. But whatever haki he was using to detect the boy was being overrode by the pounding in his brain, screaming, "SHUT UP MUGIWARA!"

Lucci had no choice but to cover his ears, lest he burst an eardrum.

Damned that Mugiwara. And how the hell was he immune to his own screaming?!

* * *

 **5\. Law**

* * *

Law were not amused the slightest. It would have been funny seeing the marines cover their ears in agony, but mot when he was also a victim of it.

Thank goodness for the Ope Ope no Mi. Law was able to cure the ringing in his ears with no problems. The same could not be said for the other Supernova though. Kidd was still cursing his lungs out, as he stuck his finger in his ear to try and stop the ringing in it.

"Really, Mugiwara-ya?" Law smirked, puttin up a facade that he wasn't affected by the rubber pirate's infamous screech.

"Meh. It worked." Luffy shrugged, "Rubber chickens are awesome!"

The first part, Law agreed with Luffy. But what was that about rubber chickens?

Before either captain could question Luffy, Nami had already stormed out of the auction house and was currently smacking her captain's head, "You idiot! Are you trying to make us all deaf?!"

Both the Heart Pirates and the Kidd Pirates had no idea how to react to that, instead opting to stare at the weird crew.

* * *

 **6\. Marineford**

* * *

Luffy growled. They were gonna push Ace's execution forward! How dare they!

Luffy leapt into the air, and took a large breath until he was a large round balloon in the air. He hoped that Ace's captain had passed the message.

Ace shivered. That was an attack both he and Sabo had warned Luffy never to use except in an emergency.

The attack was bad enough when Luffy was 7. Now he was 17. Ace had no access to his hands, so in a desperate attempt, Ace pressed one side of his head against the cool metal of the execution platform, and tried to use his shoulders to cover his other ear.

Garp and Sengoku just stared at the Whitebeard Pirate in shock, while Ace just growled, "Cover your ears shitty gramps, unless you wanna go deaf!"

Garp, of course, did what his adoptive grandson had asked him to do.

Sengoku was tempted to follow suite, but he hesitates. Sure, the pirate had a reputation for being quite. loud, but he was quite a distance from the execution platform. Plus, Sengoku wouldn't put it past Whitebeard to use the rookie in some elaborate scheme. Edward Newgate did not survive for so long and gain the title of the strongest man in the world based on brawns.

That was, until he saw what the other Whitebeards Pirates were doing.

All of them had huddled as far away from the rookie as they possibly could, hands over their ears.

Ivankov was trying to stuff something in her? ears, while Buggy had detached his ears from his body and had stuffed them in his pocket. Hancock was hesitantly covering her ears, her snake coiled around her protectively. Mihawk was standing there, seemingly fine, but did his ears get bigger or were those cross-shaped earplugs in his ears?! Whitebeard had his bisento nestled in the crook of his arm as he covered his own ears. Hell, Jinbe had even dived underwater! Crocodile was glancing at the water,

* * *

 _"Ne, Ossan, if you see me jump into the air and blow up into a balloon, cover your ears." Luffy had stated, before jumping down into the fray._

 _Marco just stared at the boy in confusion as his captain laughed, before ordering the first division commander to spread the word._

 _He had already told Hancock what to do, and she grudgingly accepted to pass the word to Mihawk. After all, Luffy was sure Zoro didn't want to fight Hawkeyes deaf._

* * *

Smoker and Tashigi, they already had experience with Luffy, and they dreaded what Luffy was gonna do now.

Koby and Helmeppo, let's just say they gulped in fear. They were so screwed.

Seeing as most of his allies and friends were "ready", Luffy let all the air out in one mighty screech, aiming his attack at the marines, **"BLEEEERRR-KAWWWWWRRREEE"**

Let's just say, it got really bloody.

For starters, anyone who didn't cover their ears beforehand started bleeding heavily from their ears, their eardrums burst from the pressure. The admirals, Smoker, Tashigi, Koby, Helmeppo and Sengoku were the only one's not to bleed, for various reasons.

And most of them were currently deaf, confusion spread as none of them could hear a single sound.

Ace could hear his ears ringing. Damn, Luffy was so much louder than last time.

Garp groaned, and Ace thought he said, "You were right, Ace." He wasn't deaf, per say, just the damn ringing.

A huge panic broke out among the marines. They were deaf! They could no longer take orders!

Sengoku jawdropped at the rookie's attack. Hell, he just took out most of the higher ranking marines with one attack! And probably crippled them for life!

Marco just stared in disbelief at Luffy, who was cheerfully running towards Ace with no one stopping him.

Whitebeard was laughing. That rookie certainly was something, indeed!

* * *

 **7. & 8\. Sabaody & Kidd**

* * *

The inhabitants of Sabaody watched in disbelief as the marine formation crumbled apart. Luckily for them, their speakers had broken down due to the volume of the sound Luffy made, but somewhere, in the direction of Marineford, they could clearly hear the Supernova's voice ringing out.

"Holy crap. That little shit really is loud." Kidd grumbled.

* * *

 **9\. The Whitebeard Pirates**

* * *

"Ne, Luffy, did you really have to do that?!" Ace demanded. His ears were still ringing faintly, dammit, "And how the hell are you fine?!"

"Shishishi! Of course I had to do it, it was an emergency!" Luffy cheerfully replied. Ace resisted the urge to facepalm - he really had to tighten up his definition of "emergency".

"Ne, I've never heard of the Gomu Gomu no Mi doing that!" Marco asked, plopping down next to Ace. Thatch, who somehow managed to survive Teach's death strike, was just staring as Luffy gulped down plate after plate.

"Gomu Gomu no Mi?" Luffy asked in confusion.

"Yeah. That's what the reporters say your fruit is." Marco furrowed his eyebrows.

"Oh. Yeah. Apparently, he didn't eat the Gomu Gomu no Mi, he ate the Gochi Gochi no Mi!" Ace exclaimed.

"Yeah. I'm not a rubber man. I'm a rubber chicken man!" Luffy giggled.

"You know that sounds so stupid right?" Ace retorted.

"Wait wait wait, shit, where did Thatch go?!" Marco searched for the commander, who just popped out behind Marco with a rubber chicken in his hands, "This kind of rubber chicken?"

Before anyone could say anything, Thatch squeezed the toy, "Be-karrr!"

Luffy and Ace nodded in sync as Marco attempted to throttle Thatch, "Yep."

* * *

 **Just a note - Apparently google translate says rubber chicken in japanese is Gomuchikin, so there ya go, a Gochi Gochi no Mi!**

 **Please rate and review!**


	2. Chapter 2 - Pranks

Marco had no idea what he had done to deserve this.

First, Thatch, of all people, had put sleeping pills in drink. He knew how much of a headache Marco got. With his phoenix powers, it wasn't so bad, but hell it hurt whenever he woke up before he could cure himself.

Then, Marco woke up for some reason in the storage shed.

Groaning, Marco tried to ignore the pounding in his head. He tried to summon his flames, but for some reason, he couldn't. He looked at his wrist. Damn Kairoseki cuffs. That had to be either Haruta or Thatch - Ace was a devil fruit user.

Marco picked up the piece of paper that was stuck to his cuffs. It didn't look like Haruta or Thatch's handwriting - It had to be Ace, but since when did Ace ever write? Hell, it was a surprise for all of them that Ace knew how to read!

Yo! Flaming Chiken! We hid the key somewhere in there! Have fun!

Marco groaned again, before overturning everything in the storeroom looking for the key.

Seeing as he couldn't find anything, He slumped against the wall. Damned headache.

Feeling something in his jacket pocket, Marco fished a key gingerly out of his pocket before trying to stuff it in the lock.

It failed.

He found another note stuffed in hisbother pocket.

 _Sike! It's for the door, turkey! Stop trying to stuff it in the cuffs!_

Definately Haruta. She was the only one to use the word "Sike".

Grabbing the key, Marco shoved it into the doorknob, before exiting the storage room. He saw another key hanging on a hook just on the opposite side of the hallway, and he made an attempt to get it.

Just before he got the key, someone had the audacity to throw a sack over his head. If Marco was able to, he would have thrown the sack off in an instance, but his head was pounding so much he was dizzy.

He grumbled, "Ace, Thatch or Haruta, which ever one of you did this, stop..."

He heard Haruta gasp, "MARCO DIDN'T SAY YOI!!"

Then he heard feet shuffling, and the flame brain known as Ace was whining, "OYAJI! WE BROKE MARCO!!"

Thatch's voice rang out, "ACK! I FORGOT MARCO HATES SLEEPING PILLS."

Marco was promptly uncuffed and the sack was removed from his head. He sighed, as he cleared the headache with his powers.

He saw the trio of pranksters hudling together, "Next time we prank him, just use the Kairoseki. No more sleeping pills."

Oyaji was just laughing at them.

 **Just a headcannon here. Marco seemed to be perfectly fine with the Kairoseki cuffs on in Marineford, so I figured he got pranked a lot with Kairoseki.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Lilies

Luffy wasn't the type to hate things. In fact, he was the type that loved everything and everyone unless he had a reason to hate it, much unlike one Trafalgar D. Water Law, who hated umeboshi and bread for no reason (Sanji kept suggesting it was because of Dough-flamingo) and avoided it like plague.

Luffy had a good reason to hate certain things.

The World Government, as they tried to take Robin and made her cry.

The Celestial Dragons, for shooting Hatchan and almost killing Sabo as a child.

Doflamingo, for hurting Law in many ways Luffy did not know, but he could see the signs on the desparate Law as he crawled towards that bird-brain with one arm to finish him off, as well as hurting Rebecca.

Admiral Akainu, or now known as Fleet Admiral Sakazuki, for killing Portgas D. Ace, his brother.

And most of all, Marshall D. Teach, better known as Blackbeard, the one responsible for the entire Paramount War. The traitorous pirate who killed his nakama for a damned fruit, who turned Ace in to the marines, who killed Whitebeard and mocked Luffy for his fruitless efforts.

Luffy had good reasons to hate them, but no one could figure out why, out of all things, Luffy hated lilies, especially those with faces on it.

* * *

On Robin's garden on the Thousand Sunny, upon her request, Franky and Usopp had installed a small pool, perfect for growing water lilies and lily pads.

Luffy seemed to like the water lilies, as he kept poking them and laughing.

"Ne, Robin, what flowers are those?" He asked.

"Ah, they are water lilies and lily pads, Luffy." Robin replied. To her surprise, Luffy froze, before scampering off.

Luffy never re-entered Robin's garden until Robin deduced that Luffy hated them and burnt them to ashes, with some help from Sanji.

* * *

Nami knew that Luffy liked flowers in general. Roses, sunflowers, almost any sweet smelling flower under the sun. The entire crew did. She herself loved the scent of flowers.

So she made it a point to always have a vase of flowers in her room, on her desk. She changed flowers every week, so as to keep the flowers fresh.

Robin never told her about Luffy's apparent dislike for lilies, since she herself wasn't sure if Luffy hated lilies anyway. Without that knowledge, Nami fully expected Luffy to be barging into her room almost every day, like usual.

The first day, Luffy appeared like clockwork, while Nami was working on her map. The vase of lilies were in clear view.

Luffy didn't make a sound, and the door closed. Nami didn't mind. Luffy had the tendancy to sneak up on people, even though he sucked at it.

Nami waited, but no sound was heard.

"Luffy?" She called out, and turned her head. She blinked in surprise. Luffy was nowhere to be seen.

A week passed, and Luffy was never to be seen inside her room for even a second. When Sanji asked him to call her for meals, hell, Luffy never even entered her room. He _knocked_ on her door, of all things. Since when did he have manners?!

Luffy never entered her room again until Nami had changed the flowers in her room.

Nami was confused. It had to be the lilies, right? She didn't know why, but she never bought lilies again. As much as he annoyed her, Nami didn't like seeing her captain acting so weird.

* * *

Chopper was looking at a map of an island. He needed a particular herb that was native to that island, and Luffy was accompanying him.

Chopper found the shop he could find the herb, and dragged his captain into the shop. Upon entering the shop, Chopper realised that the herbs he needed were located on the far side of the shop, placed right next to a vase of lilies.

He also realised something else. Luffy's grip had tighted on Chopper's arm, and he glared at the pot of lilies like it had somehow offended him. Luffy's eyes never left the flowers, and had made a point to always stand between Chopper and the pot.

Chopper assumed he hated the flower. That explained why all the lily pads and water lilies in Robin's garden had disappeared, but the reason for his captain's hatred for the flower still went unknown.

* * *

Zoro was the first to find out about Luffy's hatred for mouthed plants. Luffy wanted to play a prank on Sanji, and somehow stumbled into the shop that Zoro was asking directions from. After all, Zoro was sure he's seen Franky there, and if Franky had been there, that meant he could get back to the Sunny too.

On Zoro's right, were several plushed, yellow and red lilies, small enough to place in a pocket, which had a smiley face on it.

One look at the shop, and with a rubbery arm, he grabbed Zoro's arm, growled at the flowers, and ran back to the Sunny in record time.

Zoro didn't know why, but he felt Luffy's hatred for the plushed smiley flower.

* * *

Franky grinned. He had enough of Luffy pranking him by replacing his cola for tea. He would get back at his rubber captain.

"Yo! SUPER Captain! I got ya something!" Franky called out, as Luffy rocketed himself onto the deck.

"A gift? Yay!" Luffy ran to Franky, and the cyborg passed the younger boy a box.

Luffy opened the box, revealing a small, smiling lily with red and yellow petals.

Franky giggled. He had bought the flower from a prank store at the island they were at. It was those kid of flowers were when pressed, water would shoot out of it. Knowing his captain's tendancy to poke things, a lot, he was sure Luffy would get a face full of sea water.

What Franky did not expect was for Luffy to stare at the flower, before immediately tossing it off the Sunny. Luffy clenched the railings of Sunny, and was breathing heavily.

"Luffy-bro! Are you okay!?" Franky cried out worriedly. It was supposed to be a prank, dammit, not something so serious.

"Huh? Oh, Franky, I'm fine!" Luffy grinned, but Franky could tell his rubber captain was putting up a facade.

Franky never bought prank flowers again. Instead, he got whoopy cushions.

* * *

Nami's tangerine garden was full of fully blooming tangerine trees. Only problem - flies got to it.

So to solve the problem, Usopp bought several lilies. The sweet smelling kind, that would perhaps attract the attention of the flies that infested Nami's trees. He was really proud of himself, until Luffy spotted him with the plants and promptly threw them overboard.

Usopp decided that Luffy really hated those plants.

* * *

Brook was with Luffy on Thriller Bark, and he accidentally led Luffy to the greenhouse that Moriah had.

"Oh dear. This is the greenhouse." Brook frowned, when suddenly, Brook was throw behind Luffy as the rubber captain mercilessly attacked a random pot of lilies.

"Luffy-san? Are you okay?" Brook asked, out of concern. Luffy wasn't his captain, at least not yet, but the boy was close enough for Brook to consider a friend.

"Oh, yeah! I'm fine! Let's find Moriah!" Luffy's smile was back on his face, as he dragged Brook out of the greenhouse.

Luffy hated lilies for some reason. Brook was fine with that. But he made a mental note to get rid of the lily scented air freshener he placed in his skull.

* * *

Sanji had whipped up a meal, perfect for Nami-swan and Robin-chwan! There was an assortment of other dishes, so he was sure the men would enjoy the meal too. He decorated the dishes with the yellow and red coloured lilies that he had picked up on the island, before calling out, "Nami-swan! Robin-chwan! Dinner is ready! Shitty guys! Come eat!"

Luffy, as usual, was the first to enter the kitchen, followed by Nami and Robin. Sanji was about to yell at Luffy for not letting the ladies in first, when he saw Luffy blanch, and rush out of the dinning room.

"Luffy?" Nami called out, but Luffy was already gone.

"What happened? I saw Luffy run out of the kitchen. Shitty cook, I swear if you did anything!" Zoro growled.

"Sanji-kun didn't do anything." Nami spoke up, frowning in confusion, until Robin eyed the lilies decorating the dishes.

"Sanji-kun, are those lilies you used on the dishes?" Robin asked.

"Hai. Is there a problem, Robin-chan?" Sanji asked, for once being serious.

Nami sighed, "Well, apparently Luffy hates lilies."

Franky nodded, "He freaked when I tried to prank him with a lily plush with that exact colour scheme."

Sanji, upon hearing that, promptly tossed the lilies off the plates, and packed a bunch of food for Luffy. He doubted that Luffy wanted to come back into the dinning room, especially when he hadn't thrown out the trash.

* * *

"I hate this island."

Hancock was surprised when Luffy said that.

"Did anyone do anything bad? I'll punish them, I'll petrify them..." Hancock trailed off when Luffy stopped her.

"I mean. I like you guys. I like you people. I just... don't like this island."

"Oh." Hancock blinked. She had no idea how to react to that.

* * *

Trafalgar D. Water Law was known to pick up on every small detail. Being Luffy's ally and "nakama", Law found out some things about his ally that was surprising.

It started on Amazon Lily, while that Shichibukai was glad that Luffy was under her protection and unlikely to be found, she was mad at him for apparently, "Bringing him to an island he hated." Why he hated the island, no one knew.

Then, Luffy had appeared on Punk Hazard, and Law made an alliance with him. His crew being batshit crazy wasn't surprising.

What was surprising was how Luffy reacted to the long-nosed sniper's ammo. The second the sniper had "watered" his slingshot, a large, carnivorous plant with lily-like petals emerged. No one else noticed, but Luffy had glared at the plant while he unconsciously gripped the older Shichibukai's arm tightly.

Then, onboard the Thousand Sunny, he noticed Nico Robin's garden, with a multitude of plants, but the pond that remained empty. When he asked, Robin smiled, "We used to have water lilies and lily pads here, but we got rid of them!"

Then, when they had ended up on an island that was celebrating some, "Lily Festival" or some other, Luffy outright refused to let anyone, which included him, to leave to ship, saying it was "captain's orders", and were to leave as soon as the log pose set, which, luckily, was in an hour.

Well, technically Law didn't have to listen to him, since he wasn't a crewmember. Sanji, who said that their food stocks were depleting faster than he expected, since they had three extra people to feed. Unsurprisingly, Luffy looked pained, as if he couldn't decide whether to stay on the ship or go with Sanji and Law.

Eventually, Luffy went with the group, as Zoro had promised he would protect the ship. While walking in the festival, Luffy had gripped both Law and Sanji's arms tightly, too tightly. He kept whining that Sanji hurry up with the shopping so that they could go back.

Then, on they way back to the ship, they saw a massive statue of a cartoonish lily, with a large smily face on it. Law had half expected the captain to climb it, like he had done in Loguetown (He had read the newspapers), but Luffy just paled, grabbed the other two pirates, and with a yelp, slung them all the way back to the ship where he quickly (and also panicking, he might add) ordered Nami to set sail.

Then, for some reason, Garp had showed up, and had given him a shirt that, similar to the shirt he wore on Dressrosa that was covered in sunflowers, this one was covered in lilies, apparently for Luffy's birthday. He saw the fake smile on the pirates face, all the way until Garp, the pink and blond marine sailed away and was out of sight, and the smile was immediately wiped off the teen's face, before he asked Franky to burn the shirt to ashes.

Law deduced the younger captain hated lilies, and when he asked the crew, hell, even they didn't know.

Law chalked it up to one more mystery about Monkey D. Luffy.

* * *

Everyone came to know that knew that Luffy hated lilies.

What they didn't know what that Luffy often suffered from nightmares, ever since they left that strange island where they had found Luffy lying on the ground, bleeding out. Nightmares about a lily, a reincarnation lily, that one by one, killed his namaka. Since the Kuma incident in Sabaody, those nightmares got even worse, and one by one, nakama he had on adventures joined the pile of lily chow, courtesy of his subconscious.

Franky, Brook, Jinbe, Shirahoshi, Vivi, Sabo, Ace, Law. One by one, they joined the list of nakama that Luffy was unable to save, in his dreams, being absorbed into the Lily Carnation with pained expressions as arrows rained down upon him.

* * *

 **So... basically... if you have no idea what I'm talking about, go watch One Piece Movie 6, Omatsuri Island.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Zoo

"Whose idea was it to go to the zoo again?" Law asked. After Doflamingo's defeat, Law had really begun to relax, so after the two crew reunited after kicking Kaido's ass, they had happened to end up on an island with a zoo. Law was met with the puppy eyes of Shachi, Penguin, Bepo, Chopper, and the worst of them all, Monkey D. Luffy.

How could anyone say no to him!?

So here Law was, with Luffy, Bepo, Zoro, Nami, Chopper, Shachi, Penguin, Jean Bart, Sanji and Ikkaku.

Shachi, Bepo, Jean Bart, Penguin, Chopper and Ikkaku had headed to the arctic section, while Sanji, Zoro and Nami headed off to some other section, leaving Law to entertain the energetic teen.

At least ice cream was working for now.

"Ne, Torao, are you going to drink that?" Luffy pointed to the cup of iced coffee in the surgeon's hands, licking his lips.

"Uh..." Law was lost for words, before gulping down the entire drink. Very unlike what the surgeon of death would normally do, but Nami had told him what happened when Luffy got on a caffeine high or a sugar high, and he did not want to deal with that now.

Lucky for him, Luffy had decided that making faces at the tigers in the cage beside them was funny.

Ikkaku ran up to them, "Captain! Penguin jumped into the penguin enclosure!"

"Wait what?" Law asked, flabbergasted. Why the hell would Penguin even do something so childish and stupid and ... wait, this was Penguin he was talking about, of course he would do that.

"Oi! Shitty captain! Mosshead got lost again!" Sanji yelled.

Jean Bart came running up, "Captain! Shachi jumped into the orca enclosure!"

Law rubbed his head. At least Bepo was reasonable enough to not do anything stupid.

Then up came Chopper, crying, "TORAO! BEPO FELL INTO THE POLAR BEAR ENCLOSURE!"

Law sighed. His crew really was driving him up the wall.

In the distance, a large amount of smoke was seen.

"That must be Zoro!" Luffy exclaimed, grabbing everyone, Heart pirates included, before slinging over to the chaos.

* * *

In the end, the Heart Pirates and the Strawhat Pirates were banned from that zoo. Though they didn't have to pay for the damages since the zoo had gotten a large amount of attention from the "man swimming with orcas", the "penguin man" and a talking polar bear.

* * *

 **Just a thought. Shachi's hat was based off an orca and Penguin is... well... a penguin, and we all know that polar bears are not that common in the Grand Line.**

 **Review?**


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